How about you? Did you get it? Did you see the gorilla? This was part of a study of inattentional blindness. The study concluded that "...when our attention is focused on one thing, we fail to notice other, unexpected things around us—including those we might want to see."
In my new found struggle with cancer I have found that my cancer has become a huge focal point. In my own experience, the day I found out I had cancer I had to make some more appointments. Strangely enough, though everyone was speaking English and using the normal references to time, I was completely unable to "hear" the correct times and schedules- even though I wanted to hear and know them. Before surgery my doctor told me that if the cancer was too deep then he would have to remove my bladder. When I came out of surgery the doctor met with Jennifer and told her that things went well. He had to go a little deeper than he expected, but it all looked good.
Granted, I was groggy when I finally came to and saw Jennifer. She told me the good news. But there was one aspect of it that my brain grabbed onto. She mentioned the "little deeper" part, and that was all I could hear. When we got home an hour later (out patient surgery), I was sitting on the couch and I started to sob uncontrollably. "The doctor said that if it was too deep," I said as Jennifer hugged me, " that he would have to take out my bladder. I don't want to lose my bladder. I want to keep my bladder."
Jennifer was so kind and comforting. She reassured me that that was not what the doctor said. She told me that the doctor was very positive.
I was suffering from blindness. I had been ready to count how many times the ball was passed. Even when all the evidence pointed to the other, I was part of the fifty that missed it.
It makes me think how many times I completely miss out on the gorilla because I am so blinded by what my attention is focused on. I have cancer, but I have so much more than that. I have a great family. I have dreams of things I want to do. I have wonderful friends. I have a God that never forsakes me. I have a church that rallies to my family's needs. I have a Jeep (just thought I'd throw that in).
I think that is one reason God tells me, who tends towards the anxious, to counter it with prayerful thanksgiving-
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
By finding what there is to be thankful for, we tend to lose that blindness that settles in. Today I go in for my first post operative doctor's meeting. He will tell me what the next steps are for this road my family has been detoured to. I refuse to go in blinded. I am going to be thankful for all the wonderful things that God is doing. I will still have a month off work. I will still have a struggle to make ends meet. I will still have to do what the doc tells me. I will have anxieties. But I will thankfully let God know my requests knowing that He hears and knows what I need.
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