I Love You

Back in the 1983 a keyboard player for Amy Grant, Michael W Smith made his debt album, Michael W Smith Project, and a star was born. On this album he had a song that he had written that turned into a huge hit called Friends. When he would perform that song in concert, people all over the stadiums would stand together and drape their arms over the shoulders of the people next to them and sway back and forth to the music. It was the perfect song for swaying back and forth.

Friends are friend forever when the Lord is Lord of them.

A friend will not say never because a welcome never ends...

If you know the song, did you just get that strange yearning to sway? It just has that kind of affect on people.

Back in the 90's I was working in a youth ministry under the tutelage of Bear Trillizio. Bear had a gift of not just building teams, but of building teams into friends. The youth ministry's leadership during that time was a group of great friends. We did ministry together, we surfed together, we were best of friends. We even lived together.

One of my best friends came about because of that group. Jon Faure and I just clicked. He was way cooler than me, still is. We ended up living in the same house and being roommates. He ended up being the youth pastor and I was his worship leader (they were pretty desperate I guess). We surfed together all the time, did road trips, and eventually we were best man in eachother's weddings.

As I said, this group of leaders hung out a lot together. One particular day this group of leaders were hanging out at someone's house when this song Friends is played. Back then Christian hit songs had longevity. Instead of having its fun in the sun for a year or so, Friends was still alive and well far into the late late 80's. I just happened to be sitting next to my best friend, Jon when the song came on. It started with my head- a little sway. Packing up the dreams God planted, In the fertile soil of you... As the song progressed, the sway moved down into my heart. I just knew that Jon and I were great friends... and it would be forever.

In that moment things suddenly became very bromantic. Love swelled in my soul. I looked to my right and saw profile of the friend that I loved with all my heart, Jon. Michael W came to the chorus Friends are friends forever... and that's when I did it. I reached over in a manly gesture of love and grabbed his knee and gave it a squeeze. And I smiled.

Jon was not feeling it. He looked down at my hand upon his knee. A friend will not say never... His brows furrowed just a bit and he slowly turned his eyes to me. He was not bromantic. He was a surfer. He was motocross man. He owned a red truck.

I tried to play it off as a joke. I punched him in the arm, said something about the Chargers, and realized Michael W Smith was a liar. I also realized that it was it was awkward to tell someone that you care about him (or to squeeze the leg of another man). I don't know why that it is. Perhaps it is the fear of rejection, or the fear of vulnerability. Maybe for us guys it is the CE Syndrome (Clint Eastwood Syndrome). Whatever the cause, I just know that the reality is that its is difficult to openly express my care for others

I have another friend, Danny Ramos. He too is a youth pastor. Over a number of years we became pretty good friends. I've had him as a guest speaker for a number of my camps over the years. He is just a really authentic guy. I think it was after the first camp that I had him come and speak and I was dropping him off at the airport for his return home to Fallbrook, California. He gave me a hug and said in his cool laid back way, "Love you, Man." It is just the way Danny is. He lets you know that you are important to him. That he values you. That someone loves you. And what's wrong with that.

These past three weeks have been crazy. Diagnosed on a Monday, surgery on Friday, catheter for a week, recovery, post op visit, another surgery scheduled. Cancer is a bummer. I really don't like it. It changes the game. Gratefully, I think this thing is going to be put to rest (cautious optimism). But one thing that has come about has been amazing to me. I have been washed with a flood of love. People openly telling me that they love me. They say it in my ear as they hug me. They post it on my Facebook wall. They email me with stories of how special I am. Things that I feel I am unworthy to hear. I had no idea I was such a neat guy. Fact is, I think I've duped a number of them. Regardless of the delusions, my soul has been so touched and encouraged. Thank you. With all my heart, Thank you.

I recently heard someone quote my pastor, Matt Hannan. He had said something like, "I believe the vast majority of people out there are living lives of quiet desperation." How true is that! I once read a sign in a little pizza place in Portland that said, "WE COME ALONE. WE LIVE ALONE. WE DIE ALONE." When I read that sign, I asked the owner who was working by himself as he prepared my order if he believed that sign. He looked up at it, and then slowly nodded his head as he responded with his thick Greek accent, "Yes. Yes I do."

Why do we do that to ourselves? Why does anyone go through this world not knowing they are loved, I mean really loved? For some odd reason it's usually not until the funeral that we express our affection for the deceased. We finally tell Dad how special he was, a friend what she meant to us all those years ago, a child that we were so very proud.

I have come to agree with my pastor. I think many are living in their quiet desperation. I am convinced that a simple word of love or encouragement can make all the difference in the world. The Bible puts it this way, "Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." (Proverbs 12:25)

My cancer experience has helped me to see life a little differently. One of the things I have decided is that I want to be different. I want to love more openly. Be kinder with my words. I want to tell the waitress how good her service was. I want to tell an employee how proud he makes me. I want to tell my mentors how I am better because of them. I want to be thankful for the simple kindness of another. And I want to those that I travel this journey of life with to know that they are important. More often than not I want to say, I love you.

I am including a Ted Talk here at the end. It is titled The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown. It is nearly 21 minutes long, but well worth the time. She isn't right on all the way through, but then, who is?