Hiding Place

When I was young, I loved to play hide 'n seek. I loved to find that special spot where no could find me. Once, when I was working at Hume Lake Christian Camps, we had a big staff hide 'n seek game. I spied the perfect spot while the seeker was counting. It was in a fire pit that had a wood covering over it. I lifted the cover, climbed down into the ashes, and pulled the lid back over the pit. Surely no one would think to look there- after all, what kind of a Bozo hides in an ash pit? Wouldn't you know it- I was the first to be found. Stink!
A part of me is trying to find that perfect hiding place again. I just can't seem to locate it. There's no wooden cover to pull over my head and wait for that "thing" to pass me by. Each morning (well, this week it's been each middle of the night) I am waken up from that sleeping hiding place with that new seeker reminding me that I can't hide from it. Distractions during the day only last for so long before that seeker pulls the cover back up.
I was sitting in a meeting yesterday morning with a group of friends. The point of the meeting is to discuss a section of the Bible that has been assigned to us. It is a rich time and has proven to be very insightful. I think that it was about half way through it when the hiding place of shock started to wear off. It wasn't my turn to talk so I was sitting listening to the other guys. Well, I was half listening. The other half was saying, "Dude! You've got cancer."
I don't know if this is normal, I will assume that it is, but I started to cry. It wasn't sobs. Please- I'm not a wimp. In fact, I think I hid it pretty well. And it was just my eyes. Tears were welling up. I had my cap on my head. It has a good brim. I lowered my head to hide behind the cap. I think I hid it pretty well. Who knew you could find a hiding place behind the brim of a hat.
I know all is not lost. If fact, more than likely, "all" is not that big of a deal. More than likely, I will have surgery tomorrow and that will be the end of it. A few scope visits later and I'll get a clean bill of health. That is the most probably scenario. No liver damage from a ureteral obstruction. No longterm chemo. No bladder removal. No anything. Just check ups. That is truly what is most likely. I don't know why I'm being such a big baby. But a big baby I was. After the meeting I had to drive out through the Columbia River Gorge to look at job across the river from Hood River, Oregon. I called Jennifer and told her I was having a hard time. A bunch of what if's were playing havoc in my little head. She was amazing. She gave me a list of things that I could worry about. I could worry about the upcoming surgery. I could worry about trying to meet the bills (I have to take a month off work). I could worry about the bag I'll have to wear right after the surgery. All the other worries were off limits. It's nice to have a list of real worries. That one about losing my bladder is just too big right now and it's really not likely. But man! Does that ever scare the stink out of me. So she let me put that one aside. She let me worry about the for sure things. I have a list. It is protecting from the scary things. Worry about just this week, this Friday. This weekend. This next couple months' bills. I can do that. It's my new hiding place.