Choose Your Own Adventure

I remember when I was a child reading those choose your own adventure story books. The idea was that you’d come to a junction in the book when you had several options to choose from. If you chose the first option, then you turned the page and kept reading. If you chose the second option, then you were given a page number to turn to where your reading would commence and you would get a different story line. And so it would go for with a variety of courses that your reading enjoyment could travel.

Today, while Jennifer and I were on the way to my doctor’s appointment, Jennifer referred to that kind of book when she said, “This isn’t choose your own adventure.” She was talking about how I was getting excited that I just knew that the doc’s report about my cancer was going to be good. She was trying to temper my expectations knowing that I could be in for a big disappointment especially in light of the fact that when my first post opp meeting didn't go as I had hoped. I ended up having an emotional crash. It was good advice.

But the idea of choose your own adventure started to play around in my head. Wouldn’t that be cool if we were given that option? A critical junction on the road to life comes and we can stand there and peer down each road for a moment and decide the road to travel. Each offers its own glories and challenges. Perhaps you would ponder the rut holes down one avenue that are clearly seen from your vantage point. Gazing down the other road you could see the elm lined boulevard. Take your pick. It’s your adventure to choose.

But life is not always like that. Even with the best decisions in place at each juncture in life, things don’t always turn out as dreamed. Sometimes you just get what you get. The roads have unexpected twists and maintenance issues. We have all been there. We have all been detoured at some point. It is part of the journey. Cancer was not one of the roads I wanted to travel. Had I seen that weathered road sign I’d’ve turned quickly to another way. Not the adventure to choose. But this is the road for now.

Today I felt like I had come to another juncture in the road. It was time for the post opp meeting with the doctor. This was the scheduled meeting in which the test results are gone over and the next steps are explained. As I said, I was upbeat about the meeting. And I was nervous about the meeting. I still like my bladder very much. With one result, the treatment would be drastic. Perhaps the bladder would have to go. With another result, the treatment would be completely different and the bladder stays. I wanted to choose the next adventure- I wanted to go down a specific road. But that decision was not up to me. I just had to wait and see.

Here is what the diagnosis sheet from the lab says:

Diagnosis After Microscopic Examination:

-Bladder with geographic necrosis, focal acute and chronic inflammation, marked reactive stromal changes and fat necrosis.

-Negative for residual tumor.

Two things there- One is that I have inflammation in there, and two is I have no cancer in there. Even without having the ability to choose, I still got the road I wanted. I am stoked and relieved. I know that I am not completely free from ever getting this again, but it looks like I am leaning towards the seventy percentile bracket of patients that get to keep their bladders. A new round of treatments are on the way, but I kind of like this new road to recovery.